| Writer's Block: Time traveler |
[Nov. 1st, 2009|10:06 pm] |
Upon becoming a big fan of Doctor Who, I have thought a lot about how cool it would be to go back in time. I used to think about going back to the 60s a bit just to kind of see what kind of world we lived in when my parents were teens. It sure looked exciting to see the free love and patriotism. The sun was shining, the Beatles were playing, the three colors of freedom were sprayed like the blood of our soldiers on all the lawns. The perfect lucid dream. The perfect hiding spot.
Other times when I feel unsure of myself or what is going to happen in my future, I want to go back to the mid to late 90s. Being in 8th grade was probably one of my favorite times. Nights of Beavis and Butthead at 7pm on MTV. My So-called Life, The Real World. Nights at Hillaire's grandparents with our own 2 liters of Faygo Moon and Morning mist. Ozzy's big come back, Smashing Pumpkins. Melon Bowling during Mercury's retrograde.Having a crush on a boy I couldn't have and wouldn't have connected with if I could have him. Sitting on the roof with smuggled Marlboro Reds. We didn't have to give a shit about anything. We had no worries. I miss the excitement of doing something I wasn't supposed to at my age. I felt alive.. I'd stay there..if I could take the place of that young version of myself..otherwise I would just be watching everything I can't have back forever. I would take someone with me for sure..especially if I thought they needed a better explanation of what happened to me throughout the years.
*sigh*
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| Writer's Block: Take the pain away |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|04:27 pm] |
I can't really say that there's any one person who has hurt me more than another. I know I opened myself up for abuse by my peers and such from physical abuse my sister inflicted on me. I have had to cut many people out of my life whom some to this day still maintain they haven't lied or done anything to hurt me and that I am the one who is the problem. I don't think it would be necessary for me to go out of my way to confront anyone about what they did. If I happened to be in a place where I needed to be around them for a period of time and the subject came up, I would tell them what I thought about what had happened.
For now, I have just learned to keep myself happy and learn to be as independent as I can. I have a small group of great supporters and a loving family. That is all I really need.
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2009|11:24 pm] |
I saw the foot doctor today. I have plantar fasciitis. Tissue on the bottom of the foot that connects the toe bones to the heel got inflammed from dropping a frozen block on it..I basically had changed how I walked to compensate, so that explains why I had pain going up my leg. I have it taped right now and need to do exercises to strengthen it. I also need to get better shoes and possibly cortizone shots.
That is all for now. |
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| Update |
[Apr. 29th, 2009|11:21 pm] |
Got a call back from my doc's office for my referral. I will see the foot doctor next Thursday. Hopefully I will finally have some relief from this nasty injury that wouldn't heal. As for other stuff, I am gonna go talk to the receptionists tomorrow about making an appointment for a counceller (my doc informed me they have councelling there for the same price as my copay) I think I am in serious need of therapy. I have been feeling crummy since last October when my cat Snickers died. She was my very best friend and I still feel so lost without it. Combine that with my pain and I just feel very emotional all the time and cry at the littlest things. I feel like people don't like me or that I am worthless..when I know that the second isn't true (because there's always gonna be people who don't like someone.) It's like my overreaction to things comes from a time in my past when people were deliberately hurtful and I just made excuses for their behavior. I tried to be the bigger person and forget that they did anything, but my silence just let them see how passive I was. Now I just go off and throw fits and shit like a kid. Feeling like I have to make up for the times I didn't stand up for myself.
Here is hoping I get this all sorted out soon. I am wasting so much time. |
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| PAIN!!!!!! |
[Apr. 27th, 2009|10:48 pm] |
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Went to the doc to get on some meds to help my pain. Right now my shoulders neck and back hurt so bad they throb when I'm not even moving. Work is getting increasingly hard on my body, but I can't just let go of my job. I'm one of the only people around here that actually still have a job. It would be beyond retarded for anyone to quit a job around here for any reason. The doc is sending me to someone for my foot, but I dunno what to do about the rest of my pain. I have some anti inflammatories but so far they just knock me on my ass...Matt suggests I go back to school..I am thinking about becoming a vet, but feel so miserable I can't see the fucking forest from the trees and assume I am gonna be worthless all my life....bleh..Fucking shoot me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2009|09:30 pm] |
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I am once again reminded of why I have mostly given up talking to anyone about my problems....They either choose not to try and see things from my situation or they act like they don't care. |
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| Easter and such |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|02:56 am] |
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Pretty drunk at this point. Yet again a suck person for not updating like I intend to. It was Easter. I dreaded it, but it came out nicely and the weather was decent. I was quite sleepy, but somehow am still awake and drinking some wine. :) I have been hammering down on WoW quite a bit til it got shut off today. I am now a 55 Warlock. I got my Death Knight, but haven't done much with her yet. Matt was over and playing on his Eee while I zoned out and started playing SingStar for a bit. Got a random number on my phone tonight. I'm always convinced it's my douche ex from like 5 years ago. Wish he'd die in a fire but hopefully it was just a wrong number. I suppose aside from work being very dead and being broke I am happy. Makes me appreicate some of the simple forms of entertainment such as books and doodling. :) |
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| Some Confessions |
[Mar. 17th, 2009|02:32 pm] |
Sometimes, seemingly out of nowhere, a deep feeling of resentment and despair raises its head. I will just be going about my day and thoughts pop into my head. I have a few things I have been feeling and want to confess:
- I fear I am becoming like my mother and sister in that I am working too hard to support myself and my spouse. Granted I am luckier than my sister or mother because I can tell Matt when I am mad or what is bugging me, even if it involves him.
-I don't want to be the breadwinner, I want us both to work.
- I feel like I have no dreams left to pursue. As if life is such shit anymore it's not worth fantasizing.
- I really do not feel like I can trust anyone in my life. (aside from Matt and he's the only one I really talk to anymore)
- I don't have any best friends.
- I really don't like being social, I prefer to stay at home. Most of the time going out feels like more of an obligation.
- I don't believe I am a very good person at all. I have this urge at times to reach out for help, but I don't know exactly what it is I need. This is why I turn away from the people who do try to help. Most of the help is religion oriented.
- I wish Matt and I could just move away from this shit hole, and some day we plan to.
Now I have this typed out, I am hoping I can better process these feelings. They really aren't meant to directly offend anyone, but I am entitled to feel the way I do from time to time. |
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| Bleh |
[Mar. 8th, 2009|11:15 pm] |
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Man...on the upside of things, I got to work all my scheduled days this week. The downside: we were booked and I was at work for about 8 hours yesterdat cleaning rooms because I had lots of double beds and our elevator died on us. Our bodies were out of shape as this is the first time in months we have been that busy. My body is asking me why I hate it so much.. :( |
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| Pretty Blue Sparks |
[Feb. 12th, 2009|04:40 pm] |
Last night my part of Michigan was under a wind advisory. Well...I didn't think much into that until one of my giant white pine trees decided to uproot itself and take out the power. I got to see pretty blue showers of sparks and then hear the hissing of violent red flames come out of the ends of those power lines. It was raining, so each time water hit the lines just right it erupted into giant flames.
The tree tore out power connection out of the side of our house. We had to have an electrician come up special to fix our power after everyone else on my street had theirs back. Let's just say I am feeling lucky because had the tree not gone into my street I would not be sitting here typing this right now. |
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| Long time |
[Feb. 1st, 2009|03:35 pm] |
Ok, so I fail at not letting teh ADD get the better of me. I also am a lazy fucker sometimes, lol. Got heavily involved in WoW up until the last couple of weeks due to being poor and not being able to unfreeze my account. I am supposed to get my taxes back on Tuesday, so I am hoping to have another game card purchased before game night.
As usual, I have been battling demons of the emotional and physical kind. For now I have been victorious. I keep joking to Matt I am gonna beat him to the grave, but I am realizing I shouldn't joke about such things since he has lost too many loved ones already. And he is definitley worth living for. That, and I am already in worse shape than my mom was at my age. :(
I am not horribly excited about the Superbowl tonight. I don't drink anymore, so there goes my vice to survive the boredom. I am left with the hopes of amusing comercials and an episode of Big Love waiting for me when I get home. And I should not forget my lovely baby Frankie. (She is sitting behind me in my chair) She has me trained..When she wants to sit in my chair with me, she claws my ass until I scoot forward.
That's about it..Imma bounce now! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2009|01:16 am] |
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I feel like I have lost my damn mind. |
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| Xmas and catching up |
[Dec. 28th, 2008|06:17 pm] |
Well it has been awhile hasn't it? I have taken ill since last Monday right after my work Xmas party. I got this Norovirus thing and I am still very weak. I will say on the upside though that I had a nice holiday, even if it was slightly subdued. Matt got me a 17 inch LCD computer monitor so now I can rock out the dual screens!! He also got me some nice smelling candles and a Mary Kay sample stocking. Mom and Dad got me a Michigan hoodie and some new socks, and they paid for half my parts for my new computer. Grandma and Grandpa Robinson gave us some cash money and Grandma Piece got me some really cozy Xmas socks. My boss at my work party gave everyone 40 dollar Walmart gift cards, so I bought myself the 2nd season of Gilmore girls and some blonde hair dye. (yes I am going back to blonde for awhile)
I found out that I am allergic to Brazil nuts, so I got to add that to my list of current ailments, lol. My tongue started itching and my throat closed up. My sister threatened to Trach me until I took some Benedryl.
That I believe is about it. Always some kind of excitement. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2008|01:56 am] |
After two years of trying to make it happen, Shaak Ti finally lives!! Hopefully I will get some pictures up soon. All I can say is playing WoW is so much faster and looks so much more lively. I have Matt to thank for putting the bug in my ear about building myself a nice computer. :)
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| Woo |
[Dec. 2nd, 2008|02:54 am] |
We made it to Kentucky at about 2 in the afternoon. Right now we had some good beer and played WoW for a few hours. Tomorrow we go to see all the cool motor homes and stuff. I am happy to get away and truly be alone with Matt right now. I started the day feeling kind of depressed. I found a hair from my cat Snickers on my yellow jacket. I was already afraid of missing my baby Frankie, but then I started thinking about Snicks and just started crying. I popped an extra Paxil and now I feel pretty content after some sleep and a nice dinner. On another note, Newegg had a big Black Friday sale. All the rest of the stuff I needed for my new computer Shaak Ti was only going to cost me 156.00. One of Matt's friends had bought me my case and hard drive. When I return home on Wednesday, I should be able to build my computer about 6 months sooner than I expected. :)
Good times..perhaps sleep soon. Peace! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2008|12:13 am] |
The rules of the meme:
Bold those you have tried.
Strikethrough those you wouldn't eat on a bet.
Italicize any item you'll never eat again.
Asterisk any items you'd be interested in trying but have not yet.
1. Venison
2. Nettle tea*
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile [alligator, actually]
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht*
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi*
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses*
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper*
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi*
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar*
37. Clotted cream tea*
38. Vodka jelly
39. Gumbo*
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more*****
46. Fugu*
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin*
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi*
53. Abalone*
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle*
57. Dirty gin martini*
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst*
65. Durian*
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis*
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho*
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe*
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu*
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong*
80. Bellini*
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky*
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant*
85. Kobe beef*
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers*
89. Horse (half of *)
90. Criollo chocolate*
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab*
93. Rose harissa*
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano*
96. Bagel and lox*
97. Lobster Thermidor*
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee*
100. Snake* |
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| Laziness :) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2008|03:23 pm] |
Well, work has gotten to its major slow point. I'm glad because it means I will have Thanksgiving off. Before Matt and I started dating again I just stayed home with my folks and had dinner. They would plan the meal around whenever I would get done working. Now I have 3-4 dinners to attend each holiday, so it's important for me to have the time off. I have been taking it easy at home the last several days. WoW has been my major source of entertainment. I made a Warlock recently and that is working out a lot better for me than my Warrior. I found that to be the case when I played Diablo 2 as well. Having a character with magic spells seems easier than trying to just use a weapon on an enemy. Matt made me some enchanted gear for Rienne. Now her mana and cast rate are much better and the ass kicking power rocks. In other news I have one more week before we leave for Kentucky..W00t!
Guess that's all for now.
PEACE! |
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| Mudane but still kicking |
[Nov. 18th, 2008|09:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
Nothing horribly new to report. I am doing a bit better and returned to work today. We get to report at 9:30 every morning now, so that's a nice little extra half hour of sleep. I am currently awaiting the install of the newest WoW patch. I hadn't had a new gaming card in quite some time so I didn't get to spend the evening downloading and prepping for Lich King like everyone else who spazzed when the servers went down. The changes don't effect me yet because I am only a level 27 and don't have Burning Crusade installed.
"How do you make millions of people say fuck at once? Take the WoW servers down for maintenance."
I wish I could hole up in blankets and watch more Mel Brooks films. I feel like being a homebody. I also wish I had some new games to play. *sigh*
How is everyone else doing? |
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| Almost better |
[Nov. 16th, 2008|09:20 pm] |
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I drank about 2 quarts of OJ yesterday. I woke up this morning buzzed as hell from the vitamin C and pissed yellow. I don't hurt like I did before and I am finally getting rid of a bunch of congestion. Matt was over last night to hang out since we hadn't seen each other in about a week due to sickness. We watched Blazing Saddles and wrestled with Frankie. Fun was had. Now, sadly he has returned home and I get to go back to work after having a lovely 3 days off. I feel like I always have to make something to look forward to so my weeks don't seem in vain. I know I am excited to go to Louisville Kentucky in about two weeks. The time can't possibly get here fast enough. My employee discount allows me to stay at any Hilton property starting at 29 dollars a night. It will be nice to be gone from Michigan for a few days and check out some southern lifestyle. I hadn't been any farther south than Indiana before, and that isn't saying much. So, yay merriment and mirth and all that lovely shit. I hope to avoid boredom...if not there is always here. Here's to me having something interesting to say next time! |
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